We have buried my uncle several years ago in a graveyard deep in the forest. A very nice walk through the woods, and we stopped at a tree and beneath that there was a hole in the ground for the coffin. It was a peaceful place, just the noise of the forest, nothing else. Not a big grave monument in the forest, just a simple small rectangular stone with a name and dates.

I was Saturday at the gravesite of my mother. I don’t go there often anymore. I discovered it is not peaceful, not quiet, not meaningful to be there. My mom is dead for over 17 years now. I wandered around aimlessly, not wanting to leave yet after the flowers were delivered and found that people have a perishable date of six or seven years. Until that time the graves are cherished, with a sea of solar light things near the grave, flowers, clean stone. After six years or so the stones get dirty, the flowers are stale and old. Unkept. Most of them, not all of course.

Life goes on, of course it does. Even my father has in his eighties a girlfriend to keep him company. That is good. Really, it’s good. 17 years is a long, long time but to some people 17 months is just as long. Who am I to judge? I won’t.

But walking around in graveyard with the deafening sounds of cars speeding on the motorway, not a silent place anywhere I suddenly finally decided I wanted to be cremated. So my daughter don’t have to walk aimlessly on a place full of noise and  to keep the flowers fresh for years and years.

It is good to remember.

But you don’t need this place to do just that.

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4 thoughts on “Visiting mum’s grave

  1. My mom has never been back to my father's grave since he was buried in 1992 because it was too painful for her. I go visit sometimes but since we moved, it is now almost a 2 hour drive to get to his grave. He is buried in a military cemetery so we can only have flowers at certain times of the year and the military keeps all the stones trimmed and polished. Of course, I talk to the man all the time just sitting right here in my house. 😉

    Hugs and Blessings…
    Cat

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  2. I am just now visiting my mom. and this afternnon we are going to my daddy's grave . I remember when I got my children I tog them to daddy's grave to show them to my Dad. It was so important to me to have some place to go to.
    Gravplace os important for them who are left, for grieve .
    Talk to your dougter , Han, before … Where she will want have you.
    Many greetings from Land of OZ.

    Mona Lisa

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  3. Your dad died in the Army, huh. Sorry to hear that. I completely understand your talking to him. After all this time I still talk at least once a week to my mum. Or I say: “Mum would say this” followed by something she used to say.

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  4. I should leave the decision to those concerned, Mona Lisa? Perhaps you are right. I fully understand the concept of a place of remembrance, a place where your they have your undivided attention before you go back to the complex and busy daily life. I only wonder if this is the right place. I really do not like this graveyard.
    Thank you, Dorothy. I will give it some serious thought.

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