I found this and it is not my text, it’s from a Sandi or she would probably prefer sandi, and it’s well written. What’s more, she is saying better than I can the importance of bringing down the number of rules in a D/s relation, but enforce the rules you’ve made. I know I have said so before but it’s an important issue, that I cannot stress enough. Enough talk, sandi, the floor is yours.
If the relationship is new, it is very difficult to invest in a lot
of rules when your Dom isn’t present to see and appreciate the effort
you are putting into pleasing Him/Her. And by invest i mean put energy,
effort and emotion into them.
i adore rules. But. Only if i’ve agreed to them and the outcome if they are broken and my Dom has done the same. And. He follows them as closely as i do.
What that means is it’s not just my rule, it’s O/our rule. We have
discussed the rule and agreed on the outcome of what happens if the rule
is broken and then He is just as vigilant about the rule being obeyed as i am. And if/when the rule is broken He is as invested in the agreed upon consequences as i am.
There is nothing worse for me as a submissive following my Dom’s rules, than for me to break the rule and for Him to do nothing.
Because then i am busting my ass to be His good girl and He either
hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care. If i’m busting my ass for the rule, He
better be busting His ass for it as well. Don’t give the rule if You’re not going to enforce it.
That’s me. i can’t speak for all submissives or all D/s dynamics. i
am not a “bratty” submissive. i hate punishments. i hate misbehaving.
There are some D/s dynamics where the submissive will misbehave on
purpose in order to receive punishment, and then T/they both enjoy the
power play. It’s just not my preference. That doesn’t mean that i don’t
enjoy intense sensations, i do, i just prefer to receive them as part of
play time vs as part of punishment. And the way You know that about Your submissive is through discussion and negotiation.
It sounds like Y/you have talked with Your submissive and have agreed
for You to give her rules. For myself, i function better with one or two new rules at a time.
If i am given a long list of rules to follow, just remembering them all
can be a challenge, let alone following them. But if Y/you start off
with one or two, establish them, play with them, follow and enforce
them, then after Y/you have become accustomed to them, add a couple more.
In an LDR, especially a new one, it can be difficult functioning as a
D/s relationship when the other isn’t around to see what Y/you are
doing. The payoff, for me as a submissive, is my Dom’s investment in me,
in O/our relationship. Until that relationship is established and trust
is built, the only thing Y/you have to go on is the other persons word.
If Y/you are starting with a lot of rules to be followed when the
other person isn’t present for it, like wear this outfit all day long,
it’s really hard to follow through when your Dom isn’t going to even
know if you’ve done it or not, and you don’t have His feedback
throughout the day. But if Y/you start off small, and attach some
significance to it, it will be easier for Your submissive to follow. And
as You establish Your investment in the rule, it gets easier to invest
in for her as well.
Pick out her underthings instead of her outfit, and tell her why you
want her to wear it. “Wear a black lace bra and panties today, because
even though to the outside world you are a professional, W’we both know
what a dirty girl you are.” “Wear pink today because when you get home
i’m going to destroy your innocence.” Pick out a piece of jewelry for
her to wear, pick out her shoes. Tell her why You want her to wear it
and talk about what it means.
Whatever You come up with, have a reason for it, and then check up on
it, send her a text a half hour after she has left the house and ask
her what colour her underwear are, show her that You are as invested in
the rule as she is. And if she has broken the rule, follow through with
the consequences Y/you have agreed on. Give her a reason to follow Y/your rule.
If Y/you have both invested in the rule, Y/you have both attached
significance to it and it’s outcome, it will not only be easier to
follow, but it can also deepen Y/your relationship, offer avenues to
explore for both of Y/you and it can be a lot of fun.
That’s my perspective on it, take it with a grain of salt. 🙂