It has been so long, it feels strange writing in my blog again. I have been so out of touch with all of you, and much longer than I anticipated. It is just that I had no energy to write or keep my blog up to date. I must have been a combination of private life, work and wanting to write a post each day of the week. And as my private life and work has priority over my blog, I decided to take it easy for a while.
And so I did. For more than three years I kept my blog up to date with all the memories I wanted to keep, to share all things that I thought nice or funny or important to share. Sometimes with many people on my blog sometimes with a few. I never cared much about the numbers, I just wanted to record whatever I thought was nice to keep in some way. But as my days were full and full of stress the daily blog changed from a relieve valve into a duty and I felt I had too little time for keeping the blog my little one. Anyway you may have noticed I had to stop for a while.
And yes, I have been so very tired. As ashes burnt to the ground and laying there waiting for the wind to scatter all of it. So I went to an intense period of doing nothing at all. Now doing nothing is not something that comes naturally for me. My Calvinistic upbringing and the morals from my family says very clearly that you have to go on, even if you are tired, because we all are tired sometimes. So go on Han, you are not made of porcelain. But I simply could not, even if I wanted to. So I took my rest.
In my rest period I kept working though. I was months away last year because of my gallbladder problems, and I could not afford to stop working again for months. But I was open to my work about my problems, and often if you are opening up to other people, you will receive openness back. And I did, people understood that sometimes I needed some time off, I needed rest, and I could go to from work a bit early or just work a bit from home. I did not have any energy to go with my bike 90 minutes to work and 90 minutes from work each day. People told me how nice it would be if I kept some daily exorcize but 3 hours a day on the bike was just too much. I could not do it. So I went with public transportation (with all the delays it simply has, smile) to work each day.
Slowly some of my strength comes back. My memory loss is getting better. I still am blocked sometimes, I totally forget the sentence that I started, but it is getting better slowly I think. In the hospital new investigations showed there was a small problem with the decreasing dopamine in my brain that could well be the beginning of Parkinson’s disease. They are not sure yet what it is. I am going for a second opinion to a doctor in the Alzheimer Centre in Amsterdam. It is an academic hospital and they are more used dealing with vague complaints… I have an appointment somewhere in October.
But first I go on holiday the last three weeks of September. I look forward to it. In the meantime I will try to post each week if I can and read some of all your blogs to see how you are doing, because I missed you. Thank you to all that reached out to me, it is much appreciated. Understand that if I did not answer you, it was not that I did not wanted to, but simply because I could not.
Have a wonderful sunny Sunday.